


Real Emotions

by igottoomuchwriting



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, Kinda, M/M, Short, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 03:23:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13895208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igottoomuchwriting/pseuds/igottoomuchwriting
Summary: Rich doesn't know which emotions are his.





	Real Emotions

The SQUIP was long gone. Of course, since Rich had it in his brain for almost three years, the voice was still there. Most days it was easy to ignore, like ignoring a normal voice in your head. Some days it’s stronger, voice harder to ignore. Then, there are the days where the SQUIP takes a form - its those days Rich feels the worse.

He knows the SQUIP has no power, and he has Mountain Dew Red on stock at all points of time, just incase the SQUIP does start becoming stronger. 

Even with all of this, Jake still, somehow, wants to be with him. 

The teens have been dating since Rich was released from the hospital, and have been going strong ever since. With the end of Junior year nearing, they are excited for all they can do over the break. See movies, stargaze, camp with the SQUIP Squad, so much. 

Rich just wishes he could get his mind under control before that even becomes a reality.

He lays in bed on a Friday afternoon, starting at his wall, unmoving. He didn’t have the mental energy to go to school, so he has laid in this one spot jumping between staring at the wall and sleeping. It was almost peaceful.

Emphasis on almost.

He has been battling his head since long before the SQUIP entered his life. Now there was a whole new argument than just normal depression.

“Rich?” the teen heard a voice call. Not just any voice, though. No, it was the voice of his boyfriend. Jake’s voice. 

He heard his bedroom door open and close, but he made no effort to move. “What’s wrong?”

Rich looked over his side to see Jake set his backpack down, worried look set on his face.  Rich mumbled, “Nothin’,” then rolled back over, pulling his blanket over his head. 

“Come on, it’s not nothing,” Jake pushed. Rich felt the bed dip by his legs, but chose not to acknowledge it. “Rich?” Rich continued to not respond. 

“Is it back?” At that, Rich shook his head. “Then what’s wrong?” Silence. Jake pursed his lips, but made no sound that might translate into irritation. 

He got up and grabbed his homework out of his backpack, then sat back down on the bed. 

Jake has learned that when Rich is like this, it’s better to wait it out than force him to talk. If you give him time to collect his thoughts and figure out what he wants to say, then you’ll get more info than if you push him. It’s a slow process, but Jake is willing to wait.

Half an hour into the silence, Jack heard the blanket move. He glanced out of the corner of his eye to see that Rich had pulled the blanket off his head, but was still staring at the wall. 

After ten more minutes, Jake looked back to see Rich staring at him - well, not him, but his homework. Jake internally smiled. They were getting closer.

Twenty minutes, Rich sits up. 

“What are emotions?” In any other situation, Jake would’ve laughed at the wording. But in this scenario, he knew it was hard for Rich to find the right word.

“What’d you mean?”

“I mean,” he exhaled, hitting his hands on his legs, “how do you you tell which emotions are yours, not something you make up in your head?”

“Well, if you’ve been feeling it for a long time, I’m guessing it’s your actual emotion.” Rich nods his head, though begins glaring at his blanket, eyebrows furrowed. 

Jake closed his math book and scooted closer to Rich. “What brought this on?” 

Rich kept his eyes on the blanket. Jake watched him tighten his grip on the blanket, then release and moving it around before repeating.

“I…” Jake stayed silent and kept his eyes on his boyfriend. Rich visibly swallowed before continuing. “The SQUIP was in my brain for two years, telling me what to do, what to think, controlling my emotions. That’s why is took so long for me to realize that I was bi.” Jack nodded his head. “But… But now that it’s gone, these thoughts are invading my head and I haven’t dealt with this since freshman year. It’s been so long, and I’ve been happy for a long ass time, and now I’m thinking that I… made it up.”

“Didn’t you try… try to take your life?” Rich tensed up. 

“Which time?”

“Freshman year, but the fact that there has been more than one time gives you your answers.” Rich look at him with furrowed eyebrows. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” he looked around the room as if he was searching for the words he should use. “You did try dying in the fire ay my house. And yes,” he quickly continues, “you had the SQUIP, but it was deactivated, right?” Rich stiffly nodded his head. “So it was you. You wanted to… escape. And you did the same thing Freshman year, before you knew what a SQUIP was.” 

Rich stared blankly at the wall behind Jake, processing the information. Jake watched as his mind ran a mile a minutes, going over everything that has happened in his life to the conversation that they are having now. Once tears started pooling up in his eyes, Jake opened up his arms for a hug that Rich gladly accepted.

They sat in mostly silence, with the occasional sniff from Rich. Jake comforted him to the best of his ability.

“Thank you,” Rich finally spoke. Jake smiled and placed a kiss on the top of his head.

“It’s no problem. Thank you for not hiding this from me. I know it was probably hard.” Rich nodded his head and they fell back into silence, just enjoying each other’s presence.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay y'all, I had something going with this. Then it was gone. It had been too long. Nothing. So yeah.
> 
> Let me project on my boys in peace, okay????
> 
> But in all seriousness, I hope you did enjoy. It was shorter than I wanted, but what can you get? Also I didn't beta read this so please don't hurt me. I just wanna write
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr!: igottoomuchwriting


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